adjusting

I think it's safe to say that I have made it through the first 7 months of motherhood without getting too crazy (I did cry a lot and dye my hair dark brown...but that just makes me a woman).  Thus far, my biggest life adjustments have been first year of college, graduating from college, first year of marriage, moving to FL (surprisingly wasn't as hard as I thought it would be), and becoming a mother.

 my first classroom

honeymoon in Costa Rica 

Every season of adjustment has been difficult, but challenged me to grow as person in significant ways.  I knew becoming a mother would be a BIG adjustment.  Since I had been through some life adjustments already I knew I needed to mentally prepare myself with realistic expectations and pray A LOT.  Did that remove the difficulty?  NO.  But, it did help me to stay calm and give myself grace in the midst of all the change.  You see, the actual taking care of the baby part of being a mother hasn't been the most challenging part for me.  The challenge has been in my own mind.  "Who am I in all of this?!"

 

Women are pulled in so many directions.  I knew that being a good mother and wife were at the top of my priority list, but I still felt like there was a part of me that was a little lost.  I wanted to organize, create, and have goals. 

I have learned from some mistakes in the past, and realized that I needed to surrender everything to the Lord first, and let him put the pieces together for me.  The definition of surrender is to "yield to the power, control, or possession of another."  I was hesitant to pray the prayer, and say to the Lord that I wanted to surrender everything to Him.  I didn't want to act out of pride or fear.  I wanted to follow the Lord completely.  I was scared that I wouldn't like what I ended up with.  But, I was reminded of the verse, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4)  I do believe that my desires and gifts are from the Lord.  And, He loves me.  Therefore, I can trust Him and give Him all of my hobbies/desires/dreams/gifts.  He often has a vision for us that is way better than we could ever imagine for ourselves.  And/or, sometimes he does want us to ditch some of those things, but we can trust that He will give us peace in our hearts if that is the case. 

 

After some prayer and searching, I have found that my etsy shop has brought a lot of balance to my life right now, as well as some new fall activities to put on the schedule.  I would not say that any of that fulfills me...nothing really does, unless it's Christ.  Motherhood doesn't even fulfill me!  It's a gift and keeps me busy, but doesn't necessarily fulfill my deepest needs, like Christ can.

 

Every season of life brings it's joys and trials.  I can finally say that I am beginning to feel a little more at ease with this season of life.  I am beginning to appreciate the opportunity to stay at home with the baby, remembering that this season is so short.  God will have plenty of other things in store for me when this season is over.  I am reminded to EMBRACE this time.  Most of our lives are spent outside of the nest.  So, I am going to soak this up as much as possible.

why i blog

I started this blog (previously named The Next Chapter) three years ago as an outlet from my very stressful teaching job and as a way to keep in touch with friends and family.  I am not surprised that I have continued to blog since then because it's honestly one of the things I love to do most!  Since Quinn was born I had the urge to really dive deeper into my blog.  I found myself posting a lot more often and my mind was exploding with ideas for fun new posts.  However, I have struggled the past couple of months with this little blog's identity.  My life has changed a lot in the past year (especially since Q was born 6+ months ago), and naturally my blog has too.  So, for a little while I tried to not worry too much about finding my blog's niche, and just experimented until I found my rhythm.

For the past month I have been praying a lot about the purpose of this blog.  I have also had a number of conversations with other bloggers and family members.  It all came down to, "What is my niche here in blog world?  Why am I doing this?"  At one point I almost just gave up the whole thing, because I felt confused and worried that other people would judge this blog thinking it was just a dumb idea.

You see, there is a difference between what other bloggers do well and my blogging niche.  There are a number of blogs out there that I adore, but if I try to do what they do it just feels all wrong.  That reminds me of the sermon from this past Sunday on how there are many members of the body (church), each with a specific gift (1 Corinthians 12).  I feel like my gifts are so lame sometimes (to be totally honest), but God made me with those gifts and they are significant.  Our pastor compared it to a big puzzle.  You can have the whole thing completed but if you are missing just one piece, it is very obvious.  And, usually that one piece just looks like a blob of color...nothing special...you can barely tell what it is!  After he said that, I was a little more convinced that maybe my gifts are important.

source

So, I asked my self, "What comes most naturally to me when I blog?"  I have found that writing from my heart, about topics like this, comes the most naturally.  The second most natural thing would be helping other women/mothers with simple things--like finding a good recipe, or sharing about my favorite baby traveling gear, so that maybe even one mother might get through "traveling solo" in the airport a little less stressed.  And, of course, I like to share glimpses of my family and our life together.  They are a big part of who I am.  But, I definitely feel a desire to pull away from just  posting family updates (which is totally fine by the way...I have done that for the past few years, but no longer feel that it is appropriate for a more public blog), and to focus more on encouraging and influencing others.  There have been a number of things in the past few weeks that have really pointed me in that direction, and I believe I will find blogging most fulfilling when I am doing it for purposes that I feel God is calling me to. 

I couldn't have written this post even a few weeks ago.  I was still searching.  But, I am very thankful that God has brought some clarity to this area of my life.  I believe that God can use even what may seem like insignificant gifts/desires/passions to bring him glory.

 source

So, what can you expect to see on this blog from now on?  Well, pretty much the same stuff that I have been posting about for the past couple of months...my thoughts on motherhood, baby stuff, how to's, fun projects, five fact fridays, and probably more on Lemon Bee.  I simply wanted to share with you what my intentions are for this blog.  Don't plan on seeing a post every single day, 365 days a year.  Some weeks might have more or less posts than others.  The point is that this blog is going to have to work around my life.  I love the quote, "Live your life.  Blog about it later."  So, that means if I don't put God first and my family second, then this blog will greatly suffer, because it flows from my daily life and experiences.

Thank you for following along with me on this journey, and I hope that you will continue to do so!

how being a mom has changed me

*This was one of our first outings with a newborn...can you see the relief on my face?

I thought it would be interesting to make a list of how being a mom has changed my hair day-to-day life.  So, here it goes...

1.  going to the grocery store

::before baby::
I would take my time and peruse the aisles, and compare prices and nutrition labels.  I would also most likely find myself distracted by any clothing or beauty products, and possibly spend 30 more minutes than planned at the store.

::after baby:: 
I plan the meals for the week ahead and make a detailed shopping list.  I make sure I am ready to go before the baby wakes up from nap, so all I have to do is feed her before we leave.  I stick to my list and buy the generic brand of everything hoping that it will taste good and be cheaper.  I glance at the clothes and beauty products, and then remind myself that I know better.

2.  eating (in general)

::before baby::
I would debate about what I wanted while staring into the refrigerator for about five minutes.  Finally, after I decided, I would make a nice meal to eat off of one of our ceramic plates.

::after baby:: 
I realize I am starving at random points in the day and grab whatever is most convenient.  Although, I am working on getting better at this (referring to my post earlier this week on my favorite snacks).  Handfuls of trail mix usually do the trick.

3.  checking e-mails

::before baby::
I would leisurely sip on coffee and check e-mails as I woke up for the day.

::after baby:: 
I set my alarm before the baby wakes up so I can check e-mails like I used to ("sipping on coffee, yadda yadda...)  But, usually I get ambushed and end up holding the baby with a bottle in one arm and scrolling through e-mails with the other.

4.  my identity

::before baby::
I knew my identity was in Christ, but I didn't feel the need to cling to it because I had others things to define me like being a teacher, and I was proud of it...maybe too proud.

::after baby::
It's hard to feel accomplished by changing dirty diapers and going to the grocery store.  If I allow those things to define me, I end up feeling pretty low about myself.  Motherhood is HUMBLING.  Christ has always been my identity, but now I am actually clinging to that.  He gives me my worth.  I only have Christ, and it should always be that way! 

*I almost didn't post the middle picture (the night before I had Quinn), but it would have seemed a little odd to leave out in this picture sequence. ;)

building up community isn't easy

We have been learning a lot about the idea of community in our couples bible study this summer.  It sounds amazing but it is difficult to put into practice.  I would love to be part of a group of people who is willing to give up anything and everything for the sake of helping those around me.  This comes a little more naturally when you are with people who you know will do the same for you too.  But, it is a whole lot harder with people who you know may or may not give the same back...those types of relationships can become draining.

source

For the past week I have been praying about opportunities to build community.  My prayers have sounded like this, "Lord, please help me to be more aware of opportunities today where I can be an influence and build up community."  I went for a walk later in the morning with Quinn and ran into a woman and her daughter that Matt and I randomly met at his half marathon seven months ago.  When we first met them, I was very pregnant and we made the connection that we actually lived in the same neighborhood.  We had intentions of meeting up but things got crazy and life went on.  It was exciting to meet up with another mom in the neighborhood (and, her other friend from the neighborhood too).  That small amount of convenient adult interaction during the day can make a big difference!

So, big "yay!" for building community, right?!  Yes, well, back to the hard part.  Sometimes I get frustrated with the "breaking through" part in my friendships.  I personally don't do well with much fluff.  Now, obviously there is a time and place for everything, and it's important to be polite.  But, sometimes I have a hard to time connecting with others because I feel like they are not being "real" with me.  Let me give you an example... "Yes, being a mom is amazing.  But, oh my gosh, it is SO HARD sometimes."  You see, some people cut that sentence off after, "Yes, being a mom is amazing."  I am not that person.

Whenever I have interactions like that I start to feel bad about myself and sour about the friendship.  But, isn't that what the devil wants?  To break up the potential for community?!  I realized that I have been looking at relationships from a purely selfish point of view.  What can I get out of this?  How does this person make me feel?  My sister pointed out that maybe those other women don't feel comfortable digging in that quickly.  Hmmm...maybe, I should try praying for the friendship or good conversation that might initiate some honest conversation.

I wish I would have come to that revelation sooner!  I am working on looking at relationships as a way to serve others rather than serve myself.

Mark 10:45 "For even the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve..."

"Greatness is not measured by achievement but by service for Christ's kingdom"
Excerpt from Our Daily Bread (July 2013)

The most important thing we can do is serve others!  Now, that's a different way of looking at things, isn't it?!

Let me know if you found this post encouraging or helpful.  I still have a lot more to say on this topic, and would love to share if you are interested!

for the record

I really appreciate getting feedback on the posts I write, whether it's from good friends, family, another blogger, or even someone I don't know at all!  The readers who have met me in person have the advantage of knowing a little context when they read my blog.  They know my personality, my passions, my strengths, and my weaknesses.  However, I often worry about the reader that does not have that context to go off of. 

I have felt compelled for the past week to write to that reader who has not met me face to face.  Have you ever read a blog (I should add in Pinterest here too) to find yourself feeling totally lame and inadequate?  I think women do this in general with comparing themselves...such a terrible game.  I must say that I enjoy posting pretty pictures of my baby and organized cabinets.  It helps me to see a little beauty in my day and celebrate it.  But, I fear that in doing so I may leave some readers feeling lame or inadequate when that is the last thing I want do.  My desire is to inspire and encourage others through this little blog of mine.

So, for the record, my life is far from perfectly organized.  In fact, it can be pretty messy and confusing sometimes.  My desire is to be refreshingly transparent and genuine, not only on this blog but in my relationships offline too.  In fact, as I type these words I realize that I haven't showered in two days.  How is that for transparency?  Maybe too much?  :) I hope you enjoy reading about our journey and daily musings, and can see that there is a REAL WOMAN behind this blog who is simply trying to see the beauty in the small things and grow closer to her Creator.

Thanks for reading, dear friend!

ordinary day

Our big trips and events for the summer have passed and now we are looking into the second half of summer with quite a blank calendar.  Makes me a little queasy to think about it.  At my most recent Target trip I noticed that the back to school signs are already up.  The idea of not buying school supplies this year (I resigned from my teaching position in June) makes me even more sick to my stomach.  It's one of my FAVORITE traditions of all time!

 

Needless to say, I have been feeling a little discontent...I highly dislike that feeling.  So, in addition to making the effort to get some things on the calendar, I have been praying that God would help me to find the beauty in the ordinary things.  Here is a glimpse of my ordinary day...

 

I bake for many reasons, but one of them is for comfort.  I am home alone with a baby on a muggy day with little to do besides laundry...so, I bake.  I decided on Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I tried using 1 cup regular flour with 1/4 cup whole wheat flour.  I am trying to do the "healthy, whole wheat flour" thing.  They tasted a little heartier than usual, but still yummy.  I also substituted chocolate chips for the raisins (yes, my logic on "being healthy" doesn't make much sense).  Here is the basic recipe if you are interested!

Beacon's rebellion continues with him scattering his food everywhere, which happens to be a new thing.  This picture was taken after I sprayed him with the water bottle for trying to lick the cookie dough on the kitchen counter.  I feel like I am dealing with a teenager. ugh.

I put Quinn down for a nap and walked downstairs to see this.  Nothing unusual here.  Just a lot of baby stuff scattered around.  For some reason, my eyes saw this picture differently in that particular moment.  My heart was filled with joy.  What a gift to have a sleeping baby with all of her cute little toys filling my home.  I know it sounds mushy, but I needed to find joy in that.  It's too easy to take these things for granted.

And, finally, I sit down and enjoy a homemade cookie with a diet pepsi (I know, it's not right.  Matt is a sucker for a good deal, and coke products weren't on sale).  Of course, I had a little appetizer of the actual cookie dough first ;)

When you are at home with a baby, it's easy to feel a little isolated.  I have started posting bible verses around the house and praying the second I feel "off."  God is meeting me in those moments and teaching me how to appreciate even the little things.

making my husband's lunch

I have felt really convicted of my sin this past week.

It all started when I woke up bright and early to make myself coffee and do my devotions before Quinn woke up.  Especially since she has been sleeping better at night, I have been really looking forward to this quiet time in the morning.  Matt had been up for a while already since he usually does his work out routine before work (he is not used to me being up when he is up in the morning). 
I was making myself coffee, when he looked at me and said (jokingly), "So, are you going to start making my lunch now?"  I was so annoyed.  Really?!  I didn't exactly set my alarm to get up and make you lunch.  The bickering (half jokingly/half serious) began.  We are pretty good at the "who can come up with the wittiest comment" game.  Anyhow, the seemingly harmless conversation struck a cord. 

It wasn't about the lunch.  It was about me feeling convicted of my selfishness.  I have been so focused on everything I have had to sacrifice with having a baby.  I have demanded appreciation, respect, and encouragement, while offering very few of those things in return. 

I prayed for God to change my heart that morning.  I knew it was just in the wrong place and I couldn't fix it on my own.  Then, I went to playgroup.  I needed some perspective and so I took a poll among my fellow mothers...

"Okay, ladies...I am little curious and would like to take a poll."  (They laugh at my teacher voice :)  "Who here makes their husband lunch on a regular basis?"  They all rose their hand about half way..."Well, sometimes...It depends..."  The question sparked a conversation about how to serve your husband in a way that speaks to them.  Then, the conversation kept going and I wish I had a recording of it, but here are some things I walked away with that morning...

What is my goal as a mother?  The world says I should not let go of myself even though I am a mother, and that I should still be a little selfish because I deserve it.  The bible says to get rid of your old self and put on your new self to become more like Christ (Colossians 3).  I am not saying that you need to give up your hobbies and interests, but I am saying we need God to change our hearts to become more selfless.  I have been trying to hang onto my selfish ways and have found myself very frustrated.

Becoming a mother has caused a little bit of an identity crisis.  And, my flesh tells me to hang on to everything I was before I was a mother.  But, honestly, I am a work in progress and I don't really want to be the person I was even a few months ago.  I want to be the person Christ is calling me to be.  It's a process, but motherhood is stripping me of the ugly parts of myself and sanctifying me so that I can be put on garments of my new self.

"So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

^3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

^5-8 And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk."

Colossians 3:1-8 (The Message)

What has motherhood taught your recently?  I would love to read your comments!

confused mama



Thank goodness children are resilient.  I feel like I am constantly experimenting on my poor child, because I never really know what I am doing.  Every month there are new milestones and new challenges, so I am constantly re-figuring things out.  I often find myself conflicted by all of the different pieces of expert advice out there on baby topics (e.g. sleeping though the night, naps, etc).

Then, my friend shared this article with me.  You may have read it already.  It's basically an essay that puts all of the expert baby advice together.  Turns out, all the advice seems to be contradictory.

http://www.today.com/moms/exhausted-new-moms-hilarious-take-expert-sleep-advice-goes-viral-6C9559908

One of my favorite parts...

"Don’t let your baby sleep too long, except when they’ve been napping too much, then you should wake them. Never wake a sleeping baby. Any baby problem can be solved by putting them to bed earlier, even if they are waking up too early. If your baby wakes up too early, put them to bed later or cut out a nap. Don’t let them nap after 5 p.m. Sleep begets sleep, so try to get your child to sleep as much as possible. Put the baby to bed awake but drowsy. Don't wake the baby if it fell asleep while nursing."

HAH!  No wonder I felt like I was on crazy pills.

People say to follow your "instinct."  But, sometimes its hard to hear your "instinct" when your baby is crying and you have all of this contradicting "baby advice" floating around in your head!

Bottom line...I realize I am not alone here in my frustration, and as my sister says..."just RELAX." ;)  So, I have decided to just make things up as I go along, try different pieces of advice that sound good to me, and accept that trial-and-error is going to be part of the process.

And, I have to say...I have come a long way since Quinn was born.  Babies are a blessing, and they teach us so much that we could not learn on our own!

 

 

colossians 3

 

This passage has kept reappearing to me in the past couple of months.  Does that ever happen to you?  Like, you hear the same verse three times in one week?  One of the times I saw it, my sister had mentioned it on her blog.  Whenever I came across this passage I felt so convicted and a little discouraged...it's really difficult to be "even-tempered, content with second place, AND quick to forgive!"  It's sometimes hard enough to do accomplish one of those things! 

 

Well, then I started reading a book called, "Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions," by Lysa TerKeurst.  I've realized that the only way I can possibly obey Colossians 3 is by God changing my heart.  There is no way I can do it on my own.  I began by praying and asking God to change my desires, my perspective, and my thoughts.  He is working on me, and has been opening my eyes to so many things through His word and this new book I am reading!  I could go on and on, but here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the book...

 

"Remember who you are...I'm not an unglued woman who is a slave to her circumstances, her hormones, or to other people's attitudes.  Those things might affect me, but they don't rule me.  I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved, whom God has set apart for a mighty plan."

 

"The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn't taking a you-against-me stance, but realizing it's all of us against Satan--he's the real enemy." (Ephesians 6:12)

 

I often find myself in a cloud of doubt, especially with being a new mom.  But, as a Christian woman I have this amazing resource...the power of the holy spirit living in me, ready to fight off any lies that the enemy is trying to feed me.  I have found so much freedom in praying through those moments!  Never underestimate the power of prayer!

 

Linking up with Kelly's Korner for the Build ‘Em Up  series!



HE knows my name

"The sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out."--John 10:3

 

I was blessed with growing up in a Christian home with loving parents.  When you are surrounded by Christian values your whole life sometimes the gospel gets a little grey...I often struggled with finding the verses in the Bible meaningful and allowing them to penetrate my soul.

Now that I am a wife and mother, I find myself hanging onto every word of this verse. 

Since college, I have started to lean into God a lot more.  I think God gets us out of our comfort zone sometimes so that we will depend on Him.  It's scary at first, but He is always faithful.

As a new mom, sometimes I just want to be the baby!  haha  I just want someone to scoop me up in their arms, tell me exactly what to do, and just hold me.  So, today, as I read this verse I am reassured that I have a Father in heaven who loves me and knows my name.  I am so thankful for this, especially with everything going on in the news.  I find peace in knowing "the God of angel armies is always by my side."  I have had that Chris Tomlin song in my head all week.  :)

Happy Easter!

We had a great Easter with Quinn and the McCauley family.  It was so fun to get Q dolled up in her bright pink dress!  She was full of smiles :) 

 Q's First Easter Basket

 

I have to admit, it is SO fun to get into the festivities of Easter with a baby...but it can easily detract from the real reason we celebrate Easter...Christ's resurrection.  I feel like I am constantly pulling back from the materialism in our culture.  It can be exhausting.  Sometimes I just wish I lived on a farm without all of the distractions!  It takes a lot of discipline to not get caught up in it all.  My desire is to help Quinn grow to find joy in the real reason we celebrate Easter and not just in an Easter basket.  I realize the only way to truely do this is by the example I set for her...which might mean by laying off some of the pastel colored M&M's haha...but seriously, why does chocolate seem to taste better in pastels?!

 

Hope you found joy in the real reason we celebrate Easter this weekend :)



Worlds Apart

 This morning I was listening to my Jars of Clay playlist.  I know they have been around forever but I STILL listen to songs from their first few cds.  Anyhow, "Worlds Apart" came on and all of a sudden I found myself almost in tears halfway through the song.  At this stage of life I'm definitely  feeling the pull of the world to distract me from my God.  It's pretty easy to drift and get distracted with the busyness of work, moving, doctor's appointments, ect.  Thank you, Lord, for loving a sinner like me.  I am overwhelmed by His love and grace. 

Spring in March--a new concept

Being a Michigander at heart, I am very familiar with the four seasons. So, when we moved I was uncertain about how I would transition to such a warm climate. However, as of right now, I am totally okay with the weather here. :) Spring came in like 2 days! There was no annoying transition month, where everyone is ready for it to get nice out but it's not quite there yet. It rained one day...and then it was spring! I am amazed.

Every season comes with its joys and trials (pardon the cheesey seguae..that was pretty bad hah). Some seasons are confusing and difficult. But, this season seems joyful and exciting to me. God has provided community in our lives that I was not expecting, and I am SO grateful. I realize that life is not always like this. In fact, as Christians, we know that we should not expect life to be easy or always enjoyable. So, I am counting my blessings and giving praise in this sweet season, knowing that I will need to remember it when a bitter season comes along again. Always giving praise.

In church, we sang, "Our God is able. Our God is faithful." I have been thinking about what faith means this week. A friend told me its about "being excited and hopeful, but realistic." It's about being okay with what God's will is even if it's not the easier route. Faith is about knowing that God is able to do anything. He always has our best interest in mind, and we know that our future is secure with Him. That is something I can always, regardless of the season, be excited about!

Thinking Out Loud

As I was huffing and puffing on my jog today, I did some thinking. I was thinking about how its kind of funny how we ended up in Florida. The Lord really threw a curveball at me, but really in the big scheme of things...it's a pretty small act of obedience that He was asking for. And we have seen the Lord's faithfulness in so many things since the time we decided to take this journey. From Matt passing his test to me finding a job down here! The Lord has BLOWN MY MIND. Complete surrender and faithful obedience. Some new things that I am really trying to put into practice these days. I will try to remember this season in my life when I am in the desert again, wondering where in the world we are headed next. But, when I start to panic about the future, I realize I just need to stop and pray. Don't I believe that the Lord has all the pieces woven together already? And, it will be beautiful if I let it go and allow Him to do it. So far, He has not shown me any differently.

Thanks for reading!

Thoughts while sitting in an empty tub...avoiding a tornado (Warning: This is not well edited and I think there are some run-on sentences :)

I often get mixed up and forget the point of life. As a Christian, I can say that I believe that the purpose of my life is to serve the Lord and become more Christlike, and to anticipate eternity with Him. However, I honestly do not do a very good job with remembering this in the small things of day to day life. I get caught up in trying to have everything in my control and look cute while doing it. But, I am never very successful in this attempt. God has been working on me these days and teaching me how to let go. Instead of trying to hold on to everything, I am working on throwing it all into the air and trusting that by God's grace it will all come together. Although, painful at first, as I practice this letting go more and more, I am starting to feel more free and at ease. I like the verse about worrying in Matthew...

Matthew 6:25
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to to his life?

I will probably spend the rest of my life fighting these temptations for perfection and control. Its especially hard to resist these temptations when you look around and believe that lie that everyone else has it together. Its really a silly thing to worry about what others think of you. I should be seeking Christ alone. He is my master. Can I get an amen?!

I love January!

False! I do not love January at all. However, the reality is that this is life in the midwest, so I decided that I need to remind myself of all that I am thankful for (even in the bitter cold of winter)...

1.) Satin Hands by Mary Kay (thanks, Dad)-say goodbye to dry, almost raw hands

2.) The sunny skies in Chicago

3.) Friends that I have made (thank you, Lord!)

4.) Uggs and North Face

5.) My bite guard-cost a fortune but working wonders!

I am tempted to write about all of the things that I am looking forward to, but I am trying to focus on the blessings of each day :) I think that is a good challenge.

Reflections on 2010

Going full throttle until the last day of school and then immediately entering into break was a rough transition for me. I experienced what I like to call a "whip-lash" effect. All of a sudden, I didn't know what to do with myself and I became hyper aware of everything around me. Hence, my post title of "Reflections on 2010." As I look back on this year it has been full of extreme highs and lows. For example, some of the highs were getting married and getting my first job. Some of the lows were looking for a job, starting my job (haha...oh, the irony), and making friends. Unfortunately, between the lows and highs I have experienced a lot of anxiety and the Lord has challenged me to clench on tightly to Him.

I was having a rough day this past week. So what did I do? I called my sister, of course! She is always great for advice/peace of mind/laughter. She ended up reading a chapter out of Shauna Niequist's book, "Bittersweet" out loud to me on the phone for about 10 minutes. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and decided I would buy one of her books for some good reading material before Matt and I left for Buffalo. The next day, I was getting my hair done and noticed that my hair dresser had a little quote on her mirror that read something like...

"Life is both bitter and sweet. When life is bitter, thank God and grow.

When life is sweet, thank God and celebrate."

I asked my hairdresser if that quote was from Shauna Niequist's book, and it was!

I love when God speaks to me in obvious ways. It was not an answer to my worries or anxieties but it was all I needed to keep me going and know that God was listening. Cool, huh? I picked up another one of Niequist's book, "Cold Tangerines," and read it in a few days. I was hooked. Here is a part that I especially liked....

"Everything is interim. Everything is a path or preparation for the next thing, and we never know what the next thing is....I want to arrive. I want to get wherever I'm going and stay there. That's why I was such a ferocious planner of my life. But I'm learning to just keep moving, keep walking, keep taking teeny tiny steps. And it's in those teeny tiny steps and moments that I become, actually, who I am. We won't arrive. But we can become. And that's the most hopeful thing I can think of. "

So, here I come 2011, with no plans. Ready to give up my planner and see the beauty in the interim of my life. I am scared, but really, what do I have to lose?