making my husband's lunch

I have felt really convicted of my sin this past week.

It all started when I woke up bright and early to make myself coffee and do my devotions before Quinn woke up.  Especially since she has been sleeping better at night, I have been really looking forward to this quiet time in the morning.  Matt had been up for a while already since he usually does his work out routine before work (he is not used to me being up when he is up in the morning). 
I was making myself coffee, when he looked at me and said (jokingly), "So, are you going to start making my lunch now?"  I was so annoyed.  Really?!  I didn't exactly set my alarm to get up and make you lunch.  The bickering (half jokingly/half serious) began.  We are pretty good at the "who can come up with the wittiest comment" game.  Anyhow, the seemingly harmless conversation struck a cord. 

It wasn't about the lunch.  It was about me feeling convicted of my selfishness.  I have been so focused on everything I have had to sacrifice with having a baby.  I have demanded appreciation, respect, and encouragement, while offering very few of those things in return. 

I prayed for God to change my heart that morning.  I knew it was just in the wrong place and I couldn't fix it on my own.  Then, I went to playgroup.  I needed some perspective and so I took a poll among my fellow mothers...

"Okay, ladies...I am little curious and would like to take a poll."  (They laugh at my teacher voice :)  "Who here makes their husband lunch on a regular basis?"  They all rose their hand about half way..."Well, sometimes...It depends..."  The question sparked a conversation about how to serve your husband in a way that speaks to them.  Then, the conversation kept going and I wish I had a recording of it, but here are some things I walked away with that morning...

What is my goal as a mother?  The world says I should not let go of myself even though I am a mother, and that I should still be a little selfish because I deserve it.  The bible says to get rid of your old self and put on your new self to become more like Christ (Colossians 3).  I am not saying that you need to give up your hobbies and interests, but I am saying we need God to change our hearts to become more selfless.  I have been trying to hang onto my selfish ways and have found myself very frustrated.

Becoming a mother has caused a little bit of an identity crisis.  And, my flesh tells me to hang on to everything I was before I was a mother.  But, honestly, I am a work in progress and I don't really want to be the person I was even a few months ago.  I want to be the person Christ is calling me to be.  It's a process, but motherhood is stripping me of the ugly parts of myself and sanctifying me so that I can be put on garments of my new self.

"So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

^3-4 Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life. When Christ (your real life, remember) shows up again on this earth, you’ll show up, too—the real you, the glorious you. Meanwhile, be content with obscurity, like Christ.

^5-8 And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk."

Colossians 3:1-8 (The Message)

What has motherhood taught your recently?  I would love to read your comments!